how this works
No tarot, no oracle decks, no cards.
Most astrology sites pull a card. Spin a wheel. Hash your birthday into a "lucky number." That's a random number generator wearing a witch hat. We don't do that.
Every reading on this site is a real calculation of where the planets, moon and sun actually are right now, and what's deterministically true about today's date, wherever you are in the world.
What we calculate
- ·Planetary positions, retrogrades and aspects from VSOP87 ephemerides
- ·Moon phase, lunar mansion, and void-of-course windows
- ·Eclipses within ± 14 days of today
- ·Cazimi, combust, and fixed-star alignments
- ·Planetary hours, calculated from real sunrise/sunset at your location
- ·Geomagnetic Kp index and solar X-ray flares (live, NOAA SWPC)
- ·Kabbalah day correspondence (Tree of Life)
- ·Numerology of the date
- ·Mayan Tzolkin day sign and galactic tone
- ·Chinese Bazi day pillar (heavenly stem + earthly branch)
The receipts
The fuckery score is a 0 to 15 synthesis of all of the above, and these are the actual weights the engine runs, rendered straight from the scoring table in the code. When we recalibrate, this page updates itself. The bands:
sky (capped at 6)
- Mercury retrograde
- +1.5
- Venus / Mars retrograde
- +1 each
- Moon void of course
- +1
- Eclipse window
- up to +1.2, scaled by proximity
- Full moon
- +0.5
- Supermoon at full
- +0.6
- Close trine (relief)
- -0.4
solar
- Geomagnetic storm
- +1.5
- X-class flare
- +1.5
- CME impacting
- +1.2
- Storm streak (3+ days)
- +1
earth (capped at 4.5)
- M7+ quake near you
- +2.2
- M8+ quake anywhere
- +1.6
- Cat 5 cyclone
- +1.2
- Big pressure drop (migraine weather)
- +0.8
- Thunder overhead
- +0.4
esoteric (capped at 1)
- Counts only when
- 3+ systems agree on an "endings" theme
real-world floors (minimums, never additions)
- M8.5+ or big tsunami quake
- floor 9 (catastrophic)
- M7.5+ global or M6.5+ near you
- floor 5 (yes)
- CME, X-flare, storm streak, Cat 5
- floor 3 (kinda)
Every layer is capped so no single system can run the verdict away on its own, and the whole thing is regression-tested against days like 11 September 2001 and the Brexit referendum, plus deliberately boring control days that must stay calm.
The voice
The headline and one-liner are written by Claude Haiku, fed all the calculation data and a tightly bounded brief: refined witch with a mouth, Australian English, no wellness-influencer nonsense. The model never invents data. It only translates what's actually in the sky.
Your privacy
Birth details, if you save them, stay in your browser's localStorage. We never see them. We never store them on a server. We never email anyone about them. There's no account. There's no signup. There's no newsletter to spam you with. There never will be.
Why this exists
Justine got tired of her friends ringing every time the world felt sideways, asking whether it was a full moon. The answer was usually more interesting than that. Mercury was retrograde, the moon was void in Scorpio, Mars was square Pluto. So she built a website that explains. Every day.
